Last weekend I attended a wonderful event and as part of the entertainment for the evening, an incredible magician/illusionist performed who mesmerized the audience. I looked at the facial expressions around the room and noticed how joyful and youthful everyone appeared as we stepped out of our super serious adult lives and suspended our disbelief. Before he left the stage, he asked us to remember when we were kids and everything was magical in life. He talked about building forts out of furniture and blankets (I LOVED doing that!), fighting monsters in our closets, and creating fantasy worlds with our Barbie's and GI Joe's. As he spoke, the room was silenced by nostalgia as we recalled those magical moments created by our childlike imaginations.
But we do not have to outgrow magic just because we are all grown up! This week I encourage you to think of your magical moments from childhood. What fascinated you? What did you enjoy doing? What were your favorite games to play? Say a few Abracadabra's, find your inner magic wand, sprinkle some fairy dust, click your heels together three times and transport yourself back to your magical moments by recreating them today. Build a fort from furniture, reread a book from your favorite fantasy novel series, make a chalk hopscotch court on the sidewalk, or do anything that cultivates that childlike wonder we all have inside. We all could use a little more magic in our lives - all it takes is imagination! So use yours for something other than creating worrisome stories about your future and open your mind to the possibility that life is MAGICAL.
All you have to do is believe. So do you believe in Magic?
Fondly,
Christine
"Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make
anything happen."
-Goethe
And If I tickled your curiosity about the magician/illusionist I saw, his name is Wayne Hoffman
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Weekly Update: Life is a Highway, How do you Drive?
Picture this: You are running late and hit unexpected traffic. Everyone on the road seems to be over 80 years old or fresh out of Drivers Ed class. How do you react? Does all the frustration manifest into driving more aggressively and critiquing aloud your fellow drivers? Are you guilty of road rage? I will admit that sometimes the kind, giving, and patient Christine is replaced by an aggressive, short-fused and territorial Christine behind the wheel. I laughed the other day after I observed myself becoming totally offended when someone cut me off in traffic. I actually took it personally as I honked my horn hoping to make my point. How ridiculous! And I've had the habit of being in a hurry, trying to choose the fastest lanes and racing to make it through the green lights. Lately I've been more conscious of my driving as I realized that any time I engaged in the slightest form of road rage or rushing, I suffered. Now I use my time behind the wheel as time to practice patience, generosity and presence.
This week, I invite you to become more conscious of who you are and how you are behind the wheel. If the Tasmanian Devil starts to drive, take a deep breath and embrace your inner road angel. Use your car as a training ground to cultivate peace and calm regardless of what your external circumstances may be. Practice patience. Be generous and kind to your fellow drivers - allow them in. SLOW down on your road of life so that you do not speed by opportunities. Your destination is not going anywhere, enjoy the views along the way.
Life is a Highway. You are the driver and who and how you are behind the wheel determines how bumpy the road will be.
Fondly,
Christine
"The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the
same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination."
- Don Williams, Jr.
UPlifted
I like to share stories of UPliftment. This one comes from Anne who responded to my UPdate from last week about Jumping In:
You totally inspired me to jump in my pool. I have been embarrassed to get in a swimsuit because my body is, in my mind, "less than ideal." But my apartment window looks out over the beautiful pool in my complex and every day I see families and people my age laughing and playing and "jumping in."
I am a student of Laura Day, who wrote a book called The Circle. She does intuition training and teaches people to create "new realities" in which they focus on a single wish and stay focused on it until it manifests itself. She calls this practice "being inside the circle.
"The new reality I created for myself was Perfect Health, and one of the goals I set was to be able to run 5 miles with ease. Even though I've been an athlete all my life, and even did track in high school, long distance running has never been my thing.
As I was running yesterday I got pretty tired and discouraged because my body didn't seem very pleased about my efforts to get healthier. I was having trouble keeping the pace I started with. Also, it was really hot outside. It got to the point where I had to start walking because I simply wasn't in great condition. But then a funny thing happened. As soon as i started walking, the "perfectly healthy" version of me kept on going. She ran right in front of me the entire way, encouraging me and clapping for me and laughing. I got the message that she was showing me the way to my New Reality and all I had to do was follow her because it was already happening and I was already "there." So even though a part of me was hot, tired, and walking, I just fixed my mind on that amazing healthy woman in front of me who was running her little heart out and a total running rockstar. Needless to say, it was a pretty fun adventure, and I carried that image of my healthier self for the rest of the day. I think the coolest thing about it was that it didn't feel like I was "making her up" - I could actually see myself in a parallel universe running happily and easily in Perfect Health.
Anyway, this kind of goes along with what you were saying about "Jumping In." But what I might add to your message is that if you simply can't "Jump In" at that very moment, for whatever reason, there is a PART of you that can and it's a great idea to just envision that part of you going for it and having a great time. For me, it made the whole experience of actually not being able to run the whole way much more enjoyable, and I didn't beat myself up about it because I could feel the part of me that was already there.
This week, I invite you to become more conscious of who you are and how you are behind the wheel. If the Tasmanian Devil starts to drive, take a deep breath and embrace your inner road angel. Use your car as a training ground to cultivate peace and calm regardless of what your external circumstances may be. Practice patience. Be generous and kind to your fellow drivers - allow them in. SLOW down on your road of life so that you do not speed by opportunities. Your destination is not going anywhere, enjoy the views along the way.
Life is a Highway. You are the driver and who and how you are behind the wheel determines how bumpy the road will be.
Fondly,
Christine
"The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the
same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination."
- Don Williams, Jr.
UPlifted
I like to share stories of UPliftment. This one comes from Anne who responded to my UPdate from last week about Jumping In:
You totally inspired me to jump in my pool. I have been embarrassed to get in a swimsuit because my body is, in my mind, "less than ideal." But my apartment window looks out over the beautiful pool in my complex and every day I see families and people my age laughing and playing and "jumping in."
I am a student of Laura Day, who wrote a book called The Circle. She does intuition training and teaches people to create "new realities" in which they focus on a single wish and stay focused on it until it manifests itself. She calls this practice "being inside the circle.
"The new reality I created for myself was Perfect Health, and one of the goals I set was to be able to run 5 miles with ease. Even though I've been an athlete all my life, and even did track in high school, long distance running has never been my thing.
As I was running yesterday I got pretty tired and discouraged because my body didn't seem very pleased about my efforts to get healthier. I was having trouble keeping the pace I started with. Also, it was really hot outside. It got to the point where I had to start walking because I simply wasn't in great condition. But then a funny thing happened. As soon as i started walking, the "perfectly healthy" version of me kept on going. She ran right in front of me the entire way, encouraging me and clapping for me and laughing. I got the message that she was showing me the way to my New Reality and all I had to do was follow her because it was already happening and I was already "there." So even though a part of me was hot, tired, and walking, I just fixed my mind on that amazing healthy woman in front of me who was running her little heart out and a total running rockstar. Needless to say, it was a pretty fun adventure, and I carried that image of my healthier self for the rest of the day. I think the coolest thing about it was that it didn't feel like I was "making her up" - I could actually see myself in a parallel universe running happily and easily in Perfect Health.
Anyway, this kind of goes along with what you were saying about "Jumping In." But what I might add to your message is that if you simply can't "Jump In" at that very moment, for whatever reason, there is a PART of you that can and it's a great idea to just envision that part of you going for it and having a great time. For me, it made the whole experience of actually not being able to run the whole way much more enjoyable, and I didn't beat myself up about it because I could feel the part of me that was already there.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Advice On Advice
From 6/23/09 Huffington Post Column:
The last few weeks, I have offered observations and advice regarding the twenty-something experience which inspired even more advice, feedback and colorful commentary. One comment that I wanted to highlight was from mono who wrote: This article is bogus because I think nobody can give advice to others. I heard a commencement speech by Dolly Parton in the 2009 graduation ceremony at University of Tennessee. She said "I cannot give you advice but I can certainly give you information." I agree with the essence of what mono is says (and appreciate the return of the word bogus from the 80's) and the quote he shared from Ms. Parton. Anything that anyone says is indeed information and only you can decide what is true for you.
Most of the time, advice is colored by opinion. As objective as we try to be when giving advice, it is normal for it to be influenced by our personal perspective which is shaped by our experiences and belief systems. In writing an advice column, I try to the best of my ability to be neutral when giving so called advice but I will be the first to admit that it comes from my perspective. We also all hear advice differently because we listen through our own filters. What I say to someone may really resonate whereas to someone else it may sound completely bogus.
The advice that I give about advice is to treat it like a buffet. You don't have to put everything on your plate. Look, listen, observe and then only take what really resonates with you. There is an infinite amount of advice available to you but that does not mean you have to gorge yourself with it.
One of the most important things to learn as early on in life as possible is that only you know what is best for you. Yes, it is valuable to seek guidance and be open to information, particularly from people who have lived longer than you; however, it's important not to become dependant or overly influenced by external feedback. In my work with twenty-somethings, I have observed a trend which is looking for someone else to tell them what to do with their life, how to handle a situation, or make a decision. The question I ask when a client comes to me for advice is, "Well what do you think?" before I give any information or guidance. This question is at first incredibly annoying but what would be more annoying long-term is to never develop the inner skill of independent decision making.
When you truly are in need of guidance, seek out people who can be as objective as possible. Family members, significant others and close friends are often the most biased when it comes to advice giving. Try to find individuals or resources that are in alignment with the type of guidance you are seeking. For example, if you are contemplating going to law school, seek out people in law school or working attorneys to speak with rather than relying on the advice of people who have never "been there, done that." But keep in mind, even someone who has been through a similar situation as you are going through will still offer advice from their perspective. Even when given the exact same situation/circumstances, each person's experience will be different.
Also, and this is going to sound ironic coming from someone who writes an advice column, resist the temptation to give out unsolicited advice. Even if you think you know better or have something brilliant to say, allow someone else to figure out their own answers.
So the next time you are questioning something and searching for someone to tell you what to do, stop and listen to your best advisor: you. Journal, talk aloud to yourself, sleep on it. Trust that the answer will come to you and when it does, listen to your own advice.
The last few weeks, I have offered observations and advice regarding the twenty-something experience which inspired even more advice, feedback and colorful commentary. One comment that I wanted to highlight was from mono who wrote: This article is bogus because I think nobody can give advice to others. I heard a commencement speech by Dolly Parton in the 2009 graduation ceremony at University of Tennessee. She said "I cannot give you advice but I can certainly give you information." I agree with the essence of what mono is says (and appreciate the return of the word bogus from the 80's) and the quote he shared from Ms. Parton. Anything that anyone says is indeed information and only you can decide what is true for you.
Most of the time, advice is colored by opinion. As objective as we try to be when giving advice, it is normal for it to be influenced by our personal perspective which is shaped by our experiences and belief systems. In writing an advice column, I try to the best of my ability to be neutral when giving so called advice but I will be the first to admit that it comes from my perspective. We also all hear advice differently because we listen through our own filters. What I say to someone may really resonate whereas to someone else it may sound completely bogus.
The advice that I give about advice is to treat it like a buffet. You don't have to put everything on your plate. Look, listen, observe and then only take what really resonates with you. There is an infinite amount of advice available to you but that does not mean you have to gorge yourself with it.
One of the most important things to learn as early on in life as possible is that only you know what is best for you. Yes, it is valuable to seek guidance and be open to information, particularly from people who have lived longer than you; however, it's important not to become dependant or overly influenced by external feedback. In my work with twenty-somethings, I have observed a trend which is looking for someone else to tell them what to do with their life, how to handle a situation, or make a decision. The question I ask when a client comes to me for advice is, "Well what do you think?" before I give any information or guidance. This question is at first incredibly annoying but what would be more annoying long-term is to never develop the inner skill of independent decision making.
When you truly are in need of guidance, seek out people who can be as objective as possible. Family members, significant others and close friends are often the most biased when it comes to advice giving. Try to find individuals or resources that are in alignment with the type of guidance you are seeking. For example, if you are contemplating going to law school, seek out people in law school or working attorneys to speak with rather than relying on the advice of people who have never "been there, done that." But keep in mind, even someone who has been through a similar situation as you are going through will still offer advice from their perspective. Even when given the exact same situation/circumstances, each person's experience will be different.
Also, and this is going to sound ironic coming from someone who writes an advice column, resist the temptation to give out unsolicited advice. Even if you think you know better or have something brilliant to say, allow someone else to figure out their own answers.
So the next time you are questioning something and searching for someone to tell you what to do, stop and listen to your best advisor: you. Journal, talk aloud to yourself, sleep on it. Trust that the answer will come to you and when it does, listen to your own advice.
10 Tips For 20 Something Transformation
From 6/17/09 Huffington Post Column:
The past two weeks, I have blogged about the rite of passage for today's twenty something woman (part one and part two). Below are ten brief tips to keep in mind during this time of transformation or really any stage of life as we are all consistently presented with unique challenges and changes:
1. Be present. This is a tough one because we spend so much time in our twenties obsessing about what we will be and who we will be with. Take the time to just be. Living mentally in the future constantly only creates anxiety. Yes, set goals and consider your future while committing to action steps that are attainable and realistic. And then just accept where you are. Trying to figure it all out is fruitless and robs you of the present moment.
2. Stop comparing. Don't look at everyone else around you to determine your worth. There will always be someone more successful, richer, prettier, wittier, thinner, and so on. Who cares what your friends are doing? Focus on what you want and be grateful for what you already have. Find individuals who inspire you rather than people you attempt to measure up to. We are all on different paths, carve your own.
3. Stop caring about what other people think. Other people's opinion of you or your choices is just that - an opinion, not the truth. It's your life so get in the habit now of living it on your terms. Don't let your fear of someone else's reaction stand in the way of your dreams. Be kind, but be you. And most importantly, don't personalize things. Often people give us feedback that is a bit rough around the edges. You can still hear the feedback if it is relevant, truthful or helpful without getting hurt.
4. Tune in. We all have intuition; we just do not always know how to access it or want to listen to it. Pay attention to your gut feelings. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder and more accessible it will become. And you can't hear your inner voice when you are only listening to the voices of others.
5. Don't wait for permission, approval or validation. Many of today's twenty-somethings grew up with over-involved parents who guided their path and patted them on the back along the way. Now it's time to be your own head cheerleader.
6. Make choices. Today's twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).
7. Make mistakes. Perceived failure is often how we learn the most. I have learned more from my mistakes/failures than any of my accomplishments. Mistakes are often the catalyst to accomplishments. Playing it safe only keeps you comfortable and it is only when we are forced to push beyond our safety zone that we discover our potential.
8. Do things alone. Young people often like to travel in packs or yearn for a permanent "plus one." Learn to be your own companion first. Be single for an extended period of time. Go to a movie alone. Go to dinner alone. Or best yet, travel alone. Be open to discovery.
9. Build your tribe. All of us need a tribe that extends beyond our family and consists of both peers and elders. Cultivate your personal and professional relationships by networking, seeking out mentors, and calling upon the wisdom of older generations. Ask questions to the people who have "been there, done that" and listen carefully to their answers. And ask for help or support when you need it. Yes, independence is important but needs to be balanced by interdependence and connection. And by connection I mean live, face-to-face interaction. Facebook will not nourish your soul.
10. Be of service. Don't just be part of a tribe, contribute. Many people comment that self-reflection and introspection is or feels selfish. Well it is if that is all you do. As you are in this phase of life when you are learning more about who you are and what you want, make the time to give to others. Not only will it get you out of your own head, but when we step into the attitude of service, we uncover amazing and untapped qualities. It is in the act of giving that we receive the most.
And if I were to give one overarching tip it would be to enjoy the learning process that is part of any transformation. And life is a series of transformation. Change is inevitable. Careers, relationships, money, houses, good times and bad times will come and go. But we have the choice in how we respond to all of those things. As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly.
The past two weeks, I have blogged about the rite of passage for today's twenty something woman (part one and part two). Below are ten brief tips to keep in mind during this time of transformation or really any stage of life as we are all consistently presented with unique challenges and changes:
1. Be present. This is a tough one because we spend so much time in our twenties obsessing about what we will be and who we will be with. Take the time to just be. Living mentally in the future constantly only creates anxiety. Yes, set goals and consider your future while committing to action steps that are attainable and realistic. And then just accept where you are. Trying to figure it all out is fruitless and robs you of the present moment.
2. Stop comparing. Don't look at everyone else around you to determine your worth. There will always be someone more successful, richer, prettier, wittier, thinner, and so on. Who cares what your friends are doing? Focus on what you want and be grateful for what you already have. Find individuals who inspire you rather than people you attempt to measure up to. We are all on different paths, carve your own.
3. Stop caring about what other people think. Other people's opinion of you or your choices is just that - an opinion, not the truth. It's your life so get in the habit now of living it on your terms. Don't let your fear of someone else's reaction stand in the way of your dreams. Be kind, but be you. And most importantly, don't personalize things. Often people give us feedback that is a bit rough around the edges. You can still hear the feedback if it is relevant, truthful or helpful without getting hurt.
4. Tune in. We all have intuition; we just do not always know how to access it or want to listen to it. Pay attention to your gut feelings. The more you listen to your intuition, the louder and more accessible it will become. And you can't hear your inner voice when you are only listening to the voices of others.
5. Don't wait for permission, approval or validation. Many of today's twenty-somethings grew up with over-involved parents who guided their path and patted them on the back along the way. Now it's time to be your own head cheerleader.
6. Make choices. Today's twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).
7. Make mistakes. Perceived failure is often how we learn the most. I have learned more from my mistakes/failures than any of my accomplishments. Mistakes are often the catalyst to accomplishments. Playing it safe only keeps you comfortable and it is only when we are forced to push beyond our safety zone that we discover our potential.
8. Do things alone. Young people often like to travel in packs or yearn for a permanent "plus one." Learn to be your own companion first. Be single for an extended period of time. Go to a movie alone. Go to dinner alone. Or best yet, travel alone. Be open to discovery.
9. Build your tribe. All of us need a tribe that extends beyond our family and consists of both peers and elders. Cultivate your personal and professional relationships by networking, seeking out mentors, and calling upon the wisdom of older generations. Ask questions to the people who have "been there, done that" and listen carefully to their answers. And ask for help or support when you need it. Yes, independence is important but needs to be balanced by interdependence and connection. And by connection I mean live, face-to-face interaction. Facebook will not nourish your soul.
10. Be of service. Don't just be part of a tribe, contribute. Many people comment that self-reflection and introspection is or feels selfish. Well it is if that is all you do. As you are in this phase of life when you are learning more about who you are and what you want, make the time to give to others. Not only will it get you out of your own head, but when we step into the attitude of service, we uncover amazing and untapped qualities. It is in the act of giving that we receive the most.
And if I were to give one overarching tip it would be to enjoy the learning process that is part of any transformation. And life is a series of transformation. Change is inevitable. Careers, relationships, money, houses, good times and bad times will come and go. But we have the choice in how we respond to all of those things. As Victor Frankl says in Man's Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." And when you are free, you can fly.
Weekly Update: Jump In!
I love swimming but I never have been a fan of cold water. Probably because I grew up in Texas and spent summers swimming in pools that were like bath water. So when faced with a cold water swimming opportunity, I have always eased my way in. First feeling the water with my hand, then stepping in ankle deep, and gradually making my way to full submersion after I got used to the temperature. This past weekend, I was at the ocean and wanted to swim. As I walked down the beach and felt the cold water splash around my feet, I became aware of my scaredy cat pattern as I watched others dive right in. I observed them pop out of the water with expressions of exhilaration and joy while the expression on my face was one of trepidation. They were frolicking around and enjoying a swim while I was lingering at the shallow end over thinking my approach. All of a sudden an overwhelming desire to drown my scaredy-cat took over. I took a few steps back to get a running start and jumped right into the ocean. I felt so incredibly alive and free.
What a metaphor! I thought about how I have been slowed down by fear and have tried to get used to changes slowly rather than just taking a plunge. Can you relate? Do you ever find yourself trying to comfortably ease your way into things, making sure they are "safe" rather than diving into your life? Are there changes you want to make or actions you want to take but hesitation is keeping you lingering only ankle deep in your own life? Life in the shallow end of the pool may feel more comfortable, but isn't there a part of you that wants to dive in and discover the deeper end of life? So go on, jump in, get your hair wet and submerge yourself into the exhilaration that life has to offer.
There's only so much you can learn in one place.The more that you wait, the more time that you waste. Are you ready to JUMP?
UPlifting action: Jump in! It doesn't matter if it's an ocean, lake, or community pool at your local YMCA, find a body of water to jump into and go swimming. No standing at the ledge easing yourself in. Count to three and jump in. It will be exhilarating - and the colder the water the better! Allow your jump to be symbolic of your willingness to dive into your life instead of attempting to control and ease your way through it.
Fondly,
Christine
"If you want to learn to swim jump into the water. On dry land no frame of
mind is ever going to help you"
- Bruce Lee
What a metaphor! I thought about how I have been slowed down by fear and have tried to get used to changes slowly rather than just taking a plunge. Can you relate? Do you ever find yourself trying to comfortably ease your way into things, making sure they are "safe" rather than diving into your life? Are there changes you want to make or actions you want to take but hesitation is keeping you lingering only ankle deep in your own life? Life in the shallow end of the pool may feel more comfortable, but isn't there a part of you that wants to dive in and discover the deeper end of life? So go on, jump in, get your hair wet and submerge yourself into the exhilaration that life has to offer.
There's only so much you can learn in one place.The more that you wait, the more time that you waste. Are you ready to JUMP?
UPlifting action: Jump in! It doesn't matter if it's an ocean, lake, or community pool at your local YMCA, find a body of water to jump into and go swimming. No standing at the ledge easing yourself in. Count to three and jump in. It will be exhilarating - and the colder the water the better! Allow your jump to be symbolic of your willingness to dive into your life instead of attempting to control and ease your way through it.
Fondly,
Christine
"If you want to learn to swim jump into the water. On dry land no frame of
mind is ever going to help you"
- Bruce Lee
Friday, June 12, 2009
Weekly Update: Stuck in a Moment?
Stuck in a Moment?
Are you stuck in a pattern? Are you fixating on the same issue or thought? Are you wallowing in an emotion? Last week I wrote about letting it be and this week I want to encourage you to let it go! There is a distinction between giving yourself the space and time to feel your feelings and wallowing in them or allowing them to become an excuse not to be proactive in your life. Yes, take the time to feel your feelings and then consciously make the choice to step out of thought and feeling and into action. Consider: What are you avoiding because you are scared? What have you deprived yourself of because you are sad? What are you missing out on because you are anxious? Life is a series of experiences, blessings and lessons but we have to participate! This week, I invite you to get UNstuck and create magical moments.
LISTEN and get yourself together and UNstuck
CHANGE: The simplest way to get unstuck is to ask yourself a different kind of question that inspires motivation rather than contemplation. When we are stuck, we typically ask questions like: "why is this happening to me?" or "what did I do to deserve this?" Instead ask: "what do I really want and how can I creatively get it" or "how many unique solutions that I've never tried before can I come up with?" Challenge yourself rather than indulging in being stuck.
Fondly,
"A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not for what ships are made."
"Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of" Lyrics:
Im not afraid of anything in this world
Theres nothing you can throw at me that I havent already heard
Im just trying to find a decent melody
A song that I can sing in my own company
Youve got to get yourself together
Youve got stuck in a moment
And now you cant get out of itDont say that later will be better
Now youre stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
I will not forsake the colours that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks, they left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears, through your eyes I can see
And you are such a fool
To worry like you doI know its tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you dont really need now, my, oh my
Youve got to get yourself together
Youve got stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
Youve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm till you discover how deep
I wasnt jumping, for me it was a fall
Its a long way down to nothing at all
Youve got to get yourself together
Youve got stuck in a momentAnd you cant get out of it
Dont say that later will be better
Now youre stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day wont last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass
Its just a moment
This time will pass.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Part 2: The Rite Of Passage For Today's Twenty-Something Woman
From 6/08/09 Huffington Post Column:
In my column last week, I discussed the rite of passage that a woman goes through in her twenties which brought forward great comments and questions so I'm continuing the conversation. Next week I'll summarize the two columns by featuring specific tips for twenty-something transformation. But if you want concrete action steps for how to figure out who you are and what you want, they don't really exist because nobody can tell you how to figure out yourself better than you!
While it's true that life is an on-going process of evolution and discovery, the twenty-something decade of a woman's life presents a critical time to answer a call from within. Yet often this call is drown out by immense internal and external pressure to answer questions regarding career, relationships, money, body, family, and everything else on the "having it all" checklist.
Today's young woman is rarely in the present moment because she spends so much time thinking about the future. The here and now can be uncomfortable when feelings of confusion, sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration and so on surface. The present moment is where all her answers lie; however, voices from her past and the call of expectations of the future drown out her inner voice.
Last week, I asked the question: Do you want to crawl through life or do you want to spread your wings and FLY? From my perspective, crawling through life is living according to the expectations of others or societal standards that we internalize. Doing overpowers being. When we are crawling through life, we are lead by the mind/ego and buy into a false illusion of control. Although it may feel safe to live belly to the ground, fear of failure or the unknown actually become roadblocks to an uplifting and fulfilling life.
Flying involves taking leaps of faith and jumping into the unknown. It is coming from place of inspiration rather than expectation. Inspiration is an inside job though and today's young women are too busy searching for someone or something else to light them up. We've got inspiration backwards as we've been conditioned to decide what we want to be and who we want to be with before we figure out ourselves.
To truly fly, a woman must risk giving up all her preconceived notions about who she "should" be and what life is "supposed" to be like. She has to be willing to give up the job, relationship or any other circumstance or expectation that is distracting her from living an authentic life. What is so tricky is that often things can look really fantastic from the outside which makes them challenging to transition out of.
But just as a caterpillar knows it is time to stop being a caterpillar, that there is something even more beautiful it is destined to become; every woman intuitively knows when something is not in alignment with who she truly is. Like the caterpillar, she must journey through the Chrysalis process that involves entering a self-made cocoon. During the time spent in this cocoon she may encounter struggle, doubt, isolation, and darkness; however, she emerges a beautiful, vibrantly colored butterfly that can now fly.
Every woman wants to fly, but she is often too scared to step into the cocoon of self-discovery which involves an unraveling of all her expectations, limiting beliefs, and insecurities. Often a woman will step into the cocoon and as soon as it gets too hard or too dark, she will look for something or someone to pull her out. And when she does, she interrupts her own transformation process and emerges before she is fully formed. Consequently, she makes decisions and enters into situations that she may someday outgrow.
Women come to me with questions about what and how to add to their life, but true transformation is about letting go. If a woman is willing to consciously make the choice to let go of her old stories of doubt, unworthiness and insecurity, she has the opportunity to move into a level of self-acceptance that is so profound she no longer seeks anything or anyone to complete her. This is true empowerment. As we lighten up, we discover that taking flight is much sweeter than squirming around on the ground.
If you are feeling some kind of internal angst, don't worry! It may be the call of transformation. Answer it. Be willing to let go of everything you think you need to be and do. Take leaps of faith -- now is the time to learn how to fly.
Take inventory of your life and determine what isn't serving or supporting you. If nothing feels terribly wrong, yet nothing feels terribly right either, don't settle! Why play it safe and settle for something you know is not really YOU? Give up the career path that looks good on paper but has your stomach tied in knots. Give up the relationship that you are in for its potential that keeps you up at night. Give up the dreams mom and dad had for you and create your own. Give up the need to be more, better or different. Give up wanting to be like or liked by someone else.
Be willing to step into the cocoon and do the work. Sometimes all you have to do is be willing to change and the change begins -- it's resistance that keeps us where we are. Yes you may make what you think are mistakes and yes you may be uncomfortable but wouldn't that all be worth it if you could fly?
In my column last week, I discussed the rite of passage that a woman goes through in her twenties which brought forward great comments and questions so I'm continuing the conversation. Next week I'll summarize the two columns by featuring specific tips for twenty-something transformation. But if you want concrete action steps for how to figure out who you are and what you want, they don't really exist because nobody can tell you how to figure out yourself better than you!
While it's true that life is an on-going process of evolution and discovery, the twenty-something decade of a woman's life presents a critical time to answer a call from within. Yet often this call is drown out by immense internal and external pressure to answer questions regarding career, relationships, money, body, family, and everything else on the "having it all" checklist.
Today's young woman is rarely in the present moment because she spends so much time thinking about the future. The here and now can be uncomfortable when feelings of confusion, sadness, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration and so on surface. The present moment is where all her answers lie; however, voices from her past and the call of expectations of the future drown out her inner voice.
Last week, I asked the question: Do you want to crawl through life or do you want to spread your wings and FLY? From my perspective, crawling through life is living according to the expectations of others or societal standards that we internalize. Doing overpowers being. When we are crawling through life, we are lead by the mind/ego and buy into a false illusion of control. Although it may feel safe to live belly to the ground, fear of failure or the unknown actually become roadblocks to an uplifting and fulfilling life.
Flying involves taking leaps of faith and jumping into the unknown. It is coming from place of inspiration rather than expectation. Inspiration is an inside job though and today's young women are too busy searching for someone or something else to light them up. We've got inspiration backwards as we've been conditioned to decide what we want to be and who we want to be with before we figure out ourselves.
To truly fly, a woman must risk giving up all her preconceived notions about who she "should" be and what life is "supposed" to be like. She has to be willing to give up the job, relationship or any other circumstance or expectation that is distracting her from living an authentic life. What is so tricky is that often things can look really fantastic from the outside which makes them challenging to transition out of.
But just as a caterpillar knows it is time to stop being a caterpillar, that there is something even more beautiful it is destined to become; every woman intuitively knows when something is not in alignment with who she truly is. Like the caterpillar, she must journey through the Chrysalis process that involves entering a self-made cocoon. During the time spent in this cocoon she may encounter struggle, doubt, isolation, and darkness; however, she emerges a beautiful, vibrantly colored butterfly that can now fly.
Every woman wants to fly, but she is often too scared to step into the cocoon of self-discovery which involves an unraveling of all her expectations, limiting beliefs, and insecurities. Often a woman will step into the cocoon and as soon as it gets too hard or too dark, she will look for something or someone to pull her out. And when she does, she interrupts her own transformation process and emerges before she is fully formed. Consequently, she makes decisions and enters into situations that she may someday outgrow.
Women come to me with questions about what and how to add to their life, but true transformation is about letting go. If a woman is willing to consciously make the choice to let go of her old stories of doubt, unworthiness and insecurity, she has the opportunity to move into a level of self-acceptance that is so profound she no longer seeks anything or anyone to complete her. This is true empowerment. As we lighten up, we discover that taking flight is much sweeter than squirming around on the ground.
If you are feeling some kind of internal angst, don't worry! It may be the call of transformation. Answer it. Be willing to let go of everything you think you need to be and do. Take leaps of faith -- now is the time to learn how to fly.
Take inventory of your life and determine what isn't serving or supporting you. If nothing feels terribly wrong, yet nothing feels terribly right either, don't settle! Why play it safe and settle for something you know is not really YOU? Give up the career path that looks good on paper but has your stomach tied in knots. Give up the relationship that you are in for its potential that keeps you up at night. Give up the dreams mom and dad had for you and create your own. Give up the need to be more, better or different. Give up wanting to be like or liked by someone else.
Be willing to step into the cocoon and do the work. Sometimes all you have to do is be willing to change and the change begins -- it's resistance that keeps us where we are. Yes you may make what you think are mistakes and yes you may be uncomfortable but wouldn't that all be worth it if you could fly?
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Let It Be
Have you ever noticed that when an uncomfortable feeling arises, all you want to do is stop it, change it, ignore it or hope it passes quickly? My clients often come for a session with the desire for some sort of "feel better quick fix." When I invite them to just be with the discomfort rather than trying to analyze it, stop it or change it, it's as though I asked them to drop and give me fifty push-ups. Believe me, I understand! Feeling our feelings is not always enjoyable, yet it is important because it is in feeling the discomfort that we learn and heal. Suppressing our feelings keeps them bottled up and over-analyzing them keeps us in our head. Constantly trying to change how we are feeling robs us of the opportunity to be present. So my message to you this week is to be where you are. Whatever it is that you are feeling, it's okay to feel it. Allow it, sit with it, accept it, and simply observe. Resist the urge to change it, stop it, analyze it or fix it. Be where you are. Be with yourself where you are. Not for forever, but for right now give yourself permission to LET IT BE.
LISTEN: Let it Be
JOURNAL: Carve aside sometime to just "let it be." Feel whatever it is you have been attempting to avoid or fix and journal about what you are experiencing. Notice every nuance. No analyzing or explanation, just journal about what is present. Trust there is great clarity and healing that comes from going through something rather than around it or avoiding it all together.
Fondly,
"If you like it, let it be, and if you don't please do the same."- Ani Difranco.
Theme Song Suggestions
Thanks to everyone that shared their theme song last week. As promised, here are the suggestions that were sent in:
"What Light" by Wilco.It's all about the bringing out the bright light inside of you through any means you desire. Using your own self/creativity within to shine."
Fly One Time" by Ben Harper and the Relentless 7. I really need a change in my life and I am SO ready to "fly one time."
"Watch Me Shine" by Joanna Pacitti"Save the Last Dance" by Julia Stiles"Eye of the Tiger." As cheesy as it sounds, when going through cancer treatment in my late 20's, it became my theme song. I'd dance around my apartment to it and grit my teeth in the mirror. I can be very melodramatic and choreographing my little Survivor video was great therapy!
"The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. It reminds me to not be so concerned with where I'm going but to focus on where I'm at.
"Walkin' On Sunshine" by Dolly Parton"One Step at a Time" by Jordan Sparks I was recently diagnosed with MS and this song helps me to remember there "is no need to rush" and ENJOY my life while making daily healthy choices that will help me life the way I want to.
"Soulshine" as sung by Warren Haynes (Bonnaroo '03/Farmaid '07 editions)My current call of the wild; it reminds me to let it all shine through.
"Play It As It Lays" by Pattie Scialfa's I've been going through many changes the past year and this song reminds me to go work things out as they come.
"Get On Your Feet" by Gloria Estefan an uplifting song to keep yourself going.
"Successful" by Drake It's a mellow hiphop song about achieving your goals. That's where I'm at right now. The chorus is "I want to be successful" is my present mantra.
"I need to wake up" by Melissa Ethridge
"Learning to Fly" by Tom Petty. I love the lyrics,
"I'm learning to fly but ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing". It reminds me that in life, you must take a leap of faith and not be ruled by fear.
"Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles
"Joy To The World" by Three Dog Night
"Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim CarnesTo me this song is about being an empowered, gutsy woman
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
The Rite Of Passage For Today's Twenty-Something Woman
From 6/02/09 Huffington Post Column:
My intention in this post is to begin a discussion around the issues, challenges, and changes that women face as they journey through their twenties and into their thirties. This is a crucial time in our lives as we are faced with forever-feeling decisions and the expectation to map out the entire course of our life.
For the past six years I have worked as a life coach and spiritual counselor to primarily women in their twenties and early thirties. What motivated this work was facing my own unexpected struggles and challenges along my twentysomething journey -- a broken engagement, leaving a successful career, debt, confusion about my life purpose, depression, and health issues. As I navigated my way through and to the other side of my "learning opportunities" I was inspired to help others do the same and unexpectedly found my career and mission along the way.
Now at 32 and rounding the corner of what has been a period of intense personal discovery and transformation, I know that what I experienced and what I see other young women experiencing is far deeper than a quarter-life crisis and more profound than an astrological phenomenon (often referred to as Saturn Return). I compare this process of transformation to the natural journey a caterpillar takes before becoming a butterfly called Chrysalis. I'm so passionate about this stage in a woman's life and the significant changes it brings forth, that I've designed an entire transformational workshop around it and have watched women step out of the box of who they think they are and leap into the infinite possibility of who they truly are.
So what is the Chrysalis process for a woman? It begins the moment she becomes aware of a call to transform and reassess everything in her life. For some women their wake up call is a muted whisper, for others it is a loud shout. It can come in the form of an inner knowing that she has forgotten who she really is (or never really knew to begin with). Or can be heard after something happens in her life such as a broken relationship, a loss of a job or dream, or an unexpected struggle that wakes her up to the fact that the life she had planned is not the life she is living.
Each time she hits the snooze button, the inner alarm gets louder and louder. A woman begins to feel a sense of anxiety, sadness, doubt or confusion. She may start to feel alone, separate, and insecure. Some women know exactly where to point the finger as the source of their angst. Others feel the unsettling sense that nothing is terribly wrong in their life, but nothing feels incredibly right either. The natural tendency is to look for some kind of "quick fix" most commonly in the form of another role to step into like a job or relationship.
For centuries, as a woman has matured, she has been encouraged to step into a defined role: wife, mother, homemaker, caregiver and, thanks to the Feminist movement, uber successful career woman and master of "having it all." But today's young women are beginning to feel the emptiness of living a checklist life. They are achieving the career success and registering at Crate and Barrel for their big day, while running to their gynecologists for prescriptions of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills (I was one of them).
And those who don't have all the boxes on their life checklist checked off, put tremendous pressure on themselves to do so and live in a constant state of "when/then" future focused thinking. When I find the soulmate of my dreams, then I'll be happy. When I find my passion and my career takes off, then I'll be fulfilled. When I have money, then I will feel secure. When I loose ten pounds, then I'll be confident. This hamster wheel type of thinking keeps us in a constant state of believing there is something wrong with where we are now and keeps us focused on the destination, rather than the journey.
The funny thing is, once we reach one destination, along comes another one, and another one, and another one, and we're in a constant state of external searching for things that can only truly be found inside. Looking outside of ourselves for happiness and fulfillment is an old paradigm. Today's young women are feeling the call and drumming up the courage to look within during this tender and formative time of life. This rite of passage is about inner transformation and it is not always an easy perception and perspective to change.
Today's young women are shaping the future. We are the mothers, bosses, wives, partners, and leaders of tomorrow. It's time to step off the hamster wheel and into the cocoon of transformation. Now is our time to build our inner foundation so that we can step more fully into leadership, inspiration, compassion, strength, and be the change we want to see in the world.
So are you feeling the call for transformation now? Or have you already felt it and just don't quite know how to respond? I welcome your comments, sharing of experience, and questions below. Next week I will be continuing this conversation by presenting the question: Do you want to crawl through life, or do you want to spread your wings and FLY? My sense is most of you want to fly...and the opportunity to take that leap is closer than you think.
My intention in this post is to begin a discussion around the issues, challenges, and changes that women face as they journey through their twenties and into their thirties. This is a crucial time in our lives as we are faced with forever-feeling decisions and the expectation to map out the entire course of our life.
For the past six years I have worked as a life coach and spiritual counselor to primarily women in their twenties and early thirties. What motivated this work was facing my own unexpected struggles and challenges along my twentysomething journey -- a broken engagement, leaving a successful career, debt, confusion about my life purpose, depression, and health issues. As I navigated my way through and to the other side of my "learning opportunities" I was inspired to help others do the same and unexpectedly found my career and mission along the way.
Now at 32 and rounding the corner of what has been a period of intense personal discovery and transformation, I know that what I experienced and what I see other young women experiencing is far deeper than a quarter-life crisis and more profound than an astrological phenomenon (often referred to as Saturn Return). I compare this process of transformation to the natural journey a caterpillar takes before becoming a butterfly called Chrysalis. I'm so passionate about this stage in a woman's life and the significant changes it brings forth, that I've designed an entire transformational workshop around it and have watched women step out of the box of who they think they are and leap into the infinite possibility of who they truly are.
So what is the Chrysalis process for a woman? It begins the moment she becomes aware of a call to transform and reassess everything in her life. For some women their wake up call is a muted whisper, for others it is a loud shout. It can come in the form of an inner knowing that she has forgotten who she really is (or never really knew to begin with). Or can be heard after something happens in her life such as a broken relationship, a loss of a job or dream, or an unexpected struggle that wakes her up to the fact that the life she had planned is not the life she is living.
Each time she hits the snooze button, the inner alarm gets louder and louder. A woman begins to feel a sense of anxiety, sadness, doubt or confusion. She may start to feel alone, separate, and insecure. Some women know exactly where to point the finger as the source of their angst. Others feel the unsettling sense that nothing is terribly wrong in their life, but nothing feels incredibly right either. The natural tendency is to look for some kind of "quick fix" most commonly in the form of another role to step into like a job or relationship.
For centuries, as a woman has matured, she has been encouraged to step into a defined role: wife, mother, homemaker, caregiver and, thanks to the Feminist movement, uber successful career woman and master of "having it all." But today's young women are beginning to feel the emptiness of living a checklist life. They are achieving the career success and registering at Crate and Barrel for their big day, while running to their gynecologists for prescriptions of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills (I was one of them).
And those who don't have all the boxes on their life checklist checked off, put tremendous pressure on themselves to do so and live in a constant state of "when/then" future focused thinking. When I find the soulmate of my dreams, then I'll be happy. When I find my passion and my career takes off, then I'll be fulfilled. When I have money, then I will feel secure. When I loose ten pounds, then I'll be confident. This hamster wheel type of thinking keeps us in a constant state of believing there is something wrong with where we are now and keeps us focused on the destination, rather than the journey.
The funny thing is, once we reach one destination, along comes another one, and another one, and another one, and we're in a constant state of external searching for things that can only truly be found inside. Looking outside of ourselves for happiness and fulfillment is an old paradigm. Today's young women are feeling the call and drumming up the courage to look within during this tender and formative time of life. This rite of passage is about inner transformation and it is not always an easy perception and perspective to change.
Today's young women are shaping the future. We are the mothers, bosses, wives, partners, and leaders of tomorrow. It's time to step off the hamster wheel and into the cocoon of transformation. Now is our time to build our inner foundation so that we can step more fully into leadership, inspiration, compassion, strength, and be the change we want to see in the world.
So are you feeling the call for transformation now? Or have you already felt it and just don't quite know how to respond? I welcome your comments, sharing of experience, and questions below. Next week I will be continuing this conversation by presenting the question: Do you want to crawl through life, or do you want to spread your wings and FLY? My sense is most of you want to fly...and the opportunity to take that leap is closer than you think.
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